Profil von »KarolinVan«

KarolinVan

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After so many bad dates, I grew somewhat intolerant of men with
opinions about my former occupation. By the time I met Arran,
my attitude was that a prospective partner shouldn’t have
any feelings at all about my former occupation —
or the fact that I frequently wrote about it.
And if he did? Too bad. Suck it up, I thought, and keep it to yourself.
Even though I didn’t give him my last name on our first date,
Arran figured out who I was: I found out later
in our relationship that he Googled me by our second date.

Still, he stayed quiet on the subject of
sex work until I brought it up. By then, I’d made it clear what I was looking for in a relationship — respect, commitment, and honesty — and he’d made it clear he wanted the same.
We had great conversations and similar interests.
We worked in similar fields. Our sexual chemistry was intense.
When I finally worked up the courage to
broach the topic of my former occupation, he put me at ease.
He told me something equally personal about him, to even the playing field, and
the conversation moved on. My past, he understood, was just part of the package
of dating me. On the issue of sex work, he was more or less neutral.

Before we met, he leaned toward the progressive position that whatever a person wanted to do with their body was their choice; he also understood that, when it came
to sex work, that "choice" could be complicated. Most
importantly, he came to the conversation with an abundant awareness of all he didn’t know.
He let me be the expert; at the same time, he didn’t demand that I educate him.

From my relationship with Arran, I also learned that expecting
a guy to not have any feelings about my past was unrealistic.

A guy could have feelings — of course he could — and we could even work through
some of them together. But ultimately, it was his responsibility to deal with those
feelings and not take them out on me.

With Arran, I’ve felt safe to explore my feelings and share my story, without fear of of being shamed or pressured to disclose more.

And unlike past partners, he doesn’t make his hang-ups my problem.
I’ve realized, too, that the men who date and marry sex workers
also face shaming from others. But Arran and I have worked through
our fears and insecurities together. In the beginning, we talked ad nauseum about
how our past sexual experiences affected our present-day preferences and where some of my triggers came from, as well as issues related to disclosure.
One of our more memorable fights, for example, was after I inadvertently saw a text Arran had sent to a friend I was supposed
to meet for the first time the following day, "warning"
this guy about my former life. The fact that I write
about it all adds whole new layer of complication. Arran believes me to be the expert
in my own experience; still, when I write about him or us,
he doesn’t always agree with my portrayal. But ultimately, we are both open to talking through these differences — no matter how difficult those conversations might be.
1,000 for less than an hour’s work, or of a time I felt
strange or unsafe on the job, and I’ll find myself talking about it.

He has contempt for Britain, where, he says, everyone has gone soft,
men are no longer men and women have got too assertive.
This is a recurring subtext in the testimony of the sexiles: Filipinas are anxious
to please, they don't ask questions, are docile and submissive.
A United Nations study of a thousand Thai prostitutes revealed
that a quarter were regular users of speed, barbiturates,
and heroin. All these serve to keep the women indebted
to and dependent on yet more unhealthiness. 53 And the
rift between the sexes deepens when one considers the sexual roles prescribed each: And while it is perfectly acceptable for men to visit prostitutes,
premarital sex between men and women who are dating is strictly forbidden.

Many Thais believe that this double standard has helped
create the thriving sex trade. The forced migration of rural women, girls in many cases, to the cities cannot be solely explained
in terms of coercion. 58 The International Labour Organization in Geneva surveyed
50 women who had made the migration to Bangkok to work in massage parlours to examine the women's rationale behind their work
in the sex trade. Their findings summarize the
economic thinking behind their decisions: The migration gave them an earning power which was
simply astounding relative to normal rural budgets.
60 On the other end of the motivation spectrum, there are student prostitutes at the University of the East, in Manila,
who "are putting themselves or their siblings through college"61 by
prostituting themselves, primarily to other students.

In perhaps the most sad permutation of the prostitution situation, for some Filipino women, an almost religious
belief in the promised land - America - adds to
the attraction of the hospitality business. Many of the girls pin their hopes on prostitution as
a way of achieving their ultimate dream:
marriage to an American. This scenario, however unlikely,
was plausible during the existence of active U.S.
Perhaps what will be the final arbiter in the struggle over
prostitution is the advent of AIDS to the brothels of Thailand and
the Philippines. 67 - meaning that the men that patronize prostitutes bring the disease home to their wives,
and ultimately, their children.

The brothels also serve to export AIDS internationally as
well. When foreign prostitutes become infected in the brothels of the cities of the Philippines or Thailand,
they are often sent home to Burma, or Cambodia, or Laos,
where they continue to spread the disease.
72 In fact, sex tourists are already beginning to shy away from some of the hot spots of Bangkok and Manila.
The combined human and economic costs of AIDS should soon jar the governments
of these countries out of their complacency and denial, or else they could very well have a catastrophe of epic proportions on their hands.

74 As long as there are no other high-wage jobs available for those women, and as
long as prostitution continues to pay more than the less detrimental alternatives, women will continue to choose prostitution in Southeast
Asia. And meanwhile, the official attitude of coercion and condonement is currently
fixed because too many people make too much money off
the prostitutes. Excerpts from Hello My Big Big Honey!
Dave Walker Www.2nd-circle.com